The feeling of Trauma
The day I wouldn’t wish upon anybody
By Ella Vizer
My horse Crystal and I had big plans for 2022. I planned on doing the 1.10m rounds, I wanted to win a rug and most importantly I wanted to build an even bigger bond with her. I only got Crystal in 2020 around august, but it still feels like I’ve had her forever, and that we were the perfect pair but!
Until…. A few weeks ago, I got the dreaded phone call while I was at school. I was in so much shock that nothing felt real. I couldn’t breathe and I felt like nothing mattered but her. When I got home, everything went downhill. The vet finally arrived, and we got the news that there was nothing he could do to save her, she had been bitten by a snake. I couldn’t stand the thought of not being around her, but when it finally came to the time it was even more traumatic than I expected.
For the first 2 weeks I couldn’t find myself. I even slept with her halter, so it felt like she was still there. But everything I did to try and ease the pain never worked she would always be in my head no matter the time or place. It was so hard just to talk to people because it felt like no one would understand the ache that was in my chest.
It took some time, but I had to get back on the horses. My first ride after losing my horse was a crucial step towards, finally finding myself again. It felt great but it still didn’t feel right.
Not only did I not feel myself, but I could tell the other horses weren’t feeling great about it either. Every time I would look at them, they would give me the look of why did you let this happen. I knew that there was nothing I could do about it, but it still felt like it was my fault.
I started writing this blog to help other people get through their loss and remind them that they’re not alone, but nothing you do or read helps so I ended up just writing this to let you know what I went through.
As you probably know its not as easy as replacing a horse because every horse is so different and some of them have traits that are just so unique and really its those things that make them special. This is part of the reason why it’s so hard to find the perfect horse.
It’s over a month now and I just want to let you know that it does get easier, but you will never stop missing them.
Fly high my beautiful Crystal.